Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I think the reason people look at kids and go "jeesh kids today!" is because every generation is one generation removed from the "dad" we all think of in our heads when we think of one. I hope someday my kids will think of me like I think of my dad but the truth of the matter is I know that they're getting a watered down version.
The other thing is my dad's dad was not really much of a dad. He was a drunk. My dad wasn't able to finish high school because he basically had to raise his brother and sisters. He had the grades to graduate but missed too many days of school due to work. He really did build the house he lived in from the time he was 13 until he moved out.
I try to help my mom and dad out as much as I can these days which isn't really as much as I would like and I know that my dad feels like he owes me something for that but I'll tell you something I'm the one that owes and the debt will never be repaid.
Here's to the dads out there. The hardcore old school last generation ones and the ones like me that are still trying to fill those shoes. Good luck with that.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
And Carly I know that when you said "I hate you" 50 times you really meant that you loved me.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
It's cool I mean I wouldn't have been able to find this place if it weren't for one John W. Virgil. See I'm in his hometown so I thought it would be reasonable to ask him where's a good place to stay. Apparently it's customary for him to offer up 2 choices. One that's bad and one that's horrible. I can't wait til he's going somewhere I've been and he asks for hotel advice. I'll tell him the Poop Inn is nice but the Doodie Pile Bed and Breakfast is nicer.
A few other standards that are usually extras at other hotels.
The party is at my room tomorrow. Bring your own disinfectant.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Today we got word we're getting evicted. You know what. Eat a fucking cock.
Jesus fucking christ enough with the fucking anal rape. Give us this one goddamned thing that makes us happy you fucking assclowns. I hate you rat bastards. I'm going to lay a log under my desk in a place that nobody can find so that the buttpirates that move into my pod have to smell an aging doodie nugget for the rest of their days at my fucking desk.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
- my brother ride his bike into a silo full speed on purpose
- my big toe with a gear tooth from a sprocket through it
- a foot stuck pointing 180 degrees in the wrong direction
- a leg snapped in two with the toes touching the calf
- a brand new truck roll 4 times land on it's now missing tires and both guys get out unscratched and immediately discard at least a 12 pack of Bud Light before cops arrive
- a rigor mortised irish setter pulled from a well by his chain
- a big dog peeing on a little dog
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Sarah - my gay lover Steven's stage name
Danielle - Sarah's mom and also my personal chef
Scott - my gay uncle
Johnny - some dude that likes to store naked pictures of himself on the network at work
Shamus - the Irish legend
Toren - a girl that could kill you and laugh and then break a heel and cry
SLC-UPS - the urban princess someone with whom you don't want to mess
Melanie - a one night stand I had in Paris and again in London and again in Bogota
Lolo - my first girlfriend and the only woman to ever make me cry in bed
Liz - my 2nd grade wrestling coach and first crush
Jill - Brett Favre
ok for real
Sarah - my female twin, lunch pal and coworker. Probably the funniest person I know
Danielle - my morning coffee pal, deep thoughts sounding board, coworker and occasional lunch pal
Scott - my friend, coworker, lunch pal and boss kinda. The greatest storyteller ever.
Johnny - coworker and twin separated at birth. would be lunch pal if he lived in the same state and the greatest writer/blogwriter on record
Shamus - for real, the Irish legend. previously a coworker. Actual author of probably the only book I've ever read cover to cover in a single sitting. The inspiration of every email I've ever written to a company.
Toren - Blogger friend but I know she'd fit right in with the lunch crew and she also has a big rack.
SLC-UPS - Blogger friend but she's seriously funny and has a big rack I think.
Melanie - Blogger friend. Shares the same mental dementia and poop humor as me though and really that and the fact that she will pretty much write anything puts her pretty high up the list in my book.
Lolo - Blogger friend. Co-Worker of Mel. Also shares my poop humor, musical tastes, age and parenthood. So there's really no way she's writing something I can't directly relate to.
Liz - you. Another only through Blogger. Your "100 things about me" was the first thing I read and the only other one of those things I have ever actually read from beginning to end besides Toren's. We also have a lot in common as I too married my high school sweatheart and we've also been together for 15 years.
Jill - my sister in law, friend, musical taste twin. She's the reason I finally asked my wife out. She's also not taller than me no matter what she says.
Friday, July 08, 2005
When I got my nizzies whacked the nurse said I should wait 3 months or until I had 12 ejaculations before I get checked to see if it worked. I had 4 going into last night. But thanks to the iPod I'll be taking a sample in this afternoon.
It's the best thing ever. If you're even remotely considering getting one, do it.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
(Since Danielle tagged me first then Mel (nice reminds me of this dream I had) I am using her links...sorry Mel I'm lazy)
Remove the blog at #1 from the following list
Bump every one up one place;
Add your blog's name in the #5 spot;
link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross pollination effect.
Next: select new friends to add to the pollen count. (No one is obligated to participate).
1. Sleeping under the air conditioner in my brother's room and listening to Journey, Asia, and Toto
2. Christmas PJ's and waking up Christmas morning to the tree that Santa put up the night before (thanks mom and dad)
3. Atari 2600 morning noon and night
4. Awards Day at school
5. Playing Scrabble with Mom and Aunt Harriet
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
1. This year I'm going to try to get to my desk at work before 8 at least 3 days a week.
- I know this sounds like I meant every week during
the year. What I really meant was that for at least one week this year
I was going to try to make it to work before 8 O'Clock on 3 of the
5 days. I'm still working on this. Maybe if I changed it to
3 days this year I'd have a shot. I think I made it in before 8 once already
2. This year I'm going to lose 10 pounds. As of today I weighed 196.5 in my skivvies. (I don't really use that word
- I'm 197 lbs today. So this is going pretty well. Only 10.5 more pounds to go.
3. This year I will be more honest with people when I think they're being an idiot.
- I've tried this a few times. People don't
really take well to constructive criticism.
4. I will also be more quick to give praise where praise is due.
- I have actually been better at this. I'm a nice guy. Ieven told the doctor that I thought he did a good job of stabbing me in the nuts.
5. I'm also getting rid of my cats.
So overall I think this could be one of my best success stories ever as resolutions go. I think I might get a pretty decent year end review if I can just lose a few pounds.