Sunday, July 17, 2005

Microsmell

I'm traveling for business. I'm staying at Microtel. It's pretty sweet. There are a lot of amenities here that other places charge extra for. For example my bed came with a big fluid stain on the passenger side. That's normally my side of the bed but I'm sleeping on the other side. Another feature of the room that's no extra charge is the unispeed fanswitch on the AC unit. Oh sure it says "HI/LOW" and there are 2 positions but don't let that fool you. There's only one speed. Totally sad. That's the speed. Scott's mom blows harder than this piece.

It's cool I mean I wouldn't have been able to find this place if it weren't for one John W. Virgil. See I'm in his hometown so I thought it would be reasonable to ask him where's a good place to stay. Apparently it's customary for him to offer up 2 choices. One that's bad and one that's horrible. I can't wait til he's going somewhere I've been and he asks for hotel advice. I'll tell him the Poop Inn is nice but the Doodie Pile Bed and Breakfast is nicer.

A few other standards that are usually extras at other hotels.
Free Internet
Free Pubes
Drawerless storage
Presoiled carpeting
Mildew

The party is at my room tomorrow. Bring your own disinfectant.

13 comments:

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

And I thought Johnny liked you?

Welcome to Capital City! Have you seen our big giant concrete Egg?

Let me know where/what time the party is, and if I can bring my accordian.

Johnny Virgil said...

Hey all I can tell you is that our ex-boss stayed there all the time and had no complaints. As for the choices, well...one was very nice, and the other was "cheap, but new" -- I told you which one to go to. I said I like room service -- and by room service I wasn't talking about a $7 whore. Guess it ain't as new as it once was. Sorry man. Look on the bright side -- at least it's great blog fodder. Seriously, move across the street to the nice one. I'll even carry your luggage for you.

Sarah said...

I'm sure you are not exaggerating at all. I'm just saying you don't have OCD. At least now you actually have a reason to use all that Purell you carry around with you.

Unknown said...

This made me laugh and gag at the same time.

Brian said...

doodie pile in. I like that. Do you have that patent? or, it would make a great web site.

Johnny Virgil said...

besides, after your recent ordeal, don't you NEED pubes?

John said...

I moved to the hotel you claimed to be across the street but in reality is nowhere near the dump you stuck me in.

Johnny Virgil said...

You want to hear something totally effing hilarious? It wasn't the Microtel hotel that I wanted you to stay at. It was the wingate, which is, in fact, directly across the street from The Desmond, and was, in fact, built in 1999.

You can kick my ass when you see me.

John said...

the best thing ever is Virgil's reason for fucking that up. He remembered it was like something microsoft related. He thought "oh Microtel" unfortunately what he was supposed to remember was Windows and that would make him think Wingate. How totally computer dork retarded is that?

danielle said...

this saga gets more and more preposterous each time i check in.

Carly said...

I thought the second room was nice, even if there was no minibar.

;-)

Melanie was here said...

Hey man, sorry about that stain. I didn't have my blue dress with me to clean up!

LizzieDaisy said...

"besides, after your recent ordeal, don't you NEED pubes?"

:)

That's funny stuff. Sorry John...