BFHX DAY 3

BFHX DAY 3 is upon us. I went with the porkchop sideburns and doffed the V. The Chops were in perfect alignment with the lower mustache ends. It was a thing of beauty. While the ladies will miss the tickly V on the chin, the manliness more than makes up for it. Today people got out of my way when they saw me coming. This is one badass emeffer they thought to themselves as I approached. Then I ordered my Teriyaki chicken and the lady said "face is a scary but voice kinda like a schoolgirl." I stabbed her with my chopsticks and pointed to the porkchop sides as I whispered to her "don't mess with Texas." Ok I made most of that up.


The profile. I particularly enjoy the second and third chin here.


Today I should have been wearing a shirt that says "if you can read this, my bitch fell off."

Highlights of the day:

• we worked so hard to make everything exactly the same in the pictures and they painted the entire fucking building yellow today. Compare the profile shot to yesterday's, nothing changed about the camera/lighting/location/etc. But they sure painted the whole goddamned floor yellow.
• Sarah's reaction obviously, today I snuck up behind her in the chicken teriyaki line.
• T-Ball didn't recognize me.

Tomorrow will complete the workweek. I have a whole division meeting to attend. I'll be the one sporting the sweet mustache my friend. Maybe with some flair but a mustache nonetheless.
Keep your panties on ladies, this mustachioed Don Juan is taken.

BFHX DAY 2

Yesterday was BFHX day 2 but since I forgot I was not in the office today I took a day off of BFHX since OKS wouldn't get to see it if I changed anything. So luckily I forgot to take a picture yesterday but since it's the same today you get to see DAY 2/3 in all its glory. I call this one the Mutton Chopper V. In the first pic you get the full effect of the straight on frontal, however the real beauty of this guy is in the profile. Even I couldn't look in the mirror today without laughing.


The profile shot.


Today I can either star in a Jane Austen novel made for TV or fight a civil war for you. A good hat for today would have been a derby.

Highlights of today/yesterday:

• Sarah's reaction obviously
• the lady in the parking garage trying to hurry unsuccessfully to get the elevator to close before I could get in there with her.
• Starbucks girl telling me that if I get down to just a mustache I will definitely look like a pedophile and that she would definitely laugh at me if she sees it.
• My wife saying with disdain/disgust/disbelief "subtle, real subtle."

Not sure what tomorrow will bring besides maybe more sore stomach muscles for Sarah.

BFHX DAY 1

Today was day 1 of Birthday Facial Hair Christmas. Okayseriously Sarah's reaction made this whole ridiculous thing worthwhile. I may post her reaction at some point but I'm not really sure I actually have permission. So without further ado, thanks to my photographer, Day 1 the sweet double groove.


I can either build you a customized chopper today or Trick your Truck*.

Highlights of day one:

• obviously Sarah's reaction I could watch this on endless loop all day.
  
• Karim just acting like I have this facial hair every day but asking "can you Pimp my Truck?" and
  
• some guys we didn't know at another table at lunch today doing the "hey don't look right now but that dude sitting at the table behind you to the right has the gayest facial hair ever."
• Cheesecake hor wanting to make a move on some hot guy at Starbucks but unfortunately having to stand there next to me looking like this.

* seriously the cast of Trick my Truck is like a living breathing BFHX plan.

Hiatus

Obviously I haven't blogged in awhile, so I have a lot of really good stories and insightful commentary stored up. Ok not really. But Okay Seriously Sarah's birthday is coming and my gift for her is really a gift for all.

Sarah is turning 40 so obviously this is a tough period for her. What? 30? Oh ok she's turning 30, apparently that is rough too. I just turned 35 so 30 seems young to me but whatever.

Anyway, awhile back I grew a mustache for a guy at work's last day. He had a mustache so a few of us grew mustaches to make him feel loved. Maybe it was to make fun of mustaches. Anyway I looked like a total 70's porn star with mine and it was Sarah's favorite thing ever. So much so that she still has a picture of it on her phone. So for her birthday she asked if I would grow it again. That's all she wanted. But I did one better.

I grew a beard and starting next Monday, I will be shaving my facial hair into a different configuration for 5 days in a row leading up to her birthday where I will once again don that sweet 70's porn star 'stache.

For you guys it means that every day I will take a picture of the facial hair configuration and post it. Then we can all vote on which one I should make my standard.

Giant Pizza Rolls

I invented Hot Pocket Sized Pizza Rolls they're so close.