Ok so you voted for bleached ass, however the actual teaser was "Don't shave your butt (or bleach it)" Luckily for you my loyal readers I have both bleached and shaved my butt so your vote was not wasted.
I suppose most people when you think of shaving your butt would imagine hair removal from the cheeks, likewise I'd guess when people hear "bleached ass" they probably think of bleaching the hair or the dark colored skin around the anus. I guess this is big in Hollywood these days. People in Hollywood are weirdos.
Since I'm obviously not some hollywood freakshow I did not shave my cheeks or bleach my anus, I bleached my cheeks and shaved my anus and these are obviously both completely normal. These two "experiments" occurred roughly 25 years apart.
The bleaching as I recall really isn't that much of a story. Probably about a year ago I sat on something that wasn't up to my standards of cleanliness while I wasn't wearing pants. I don't exactly recall the circumstances. I'm pretty sure Sarah does, however so maybe she'll mention it in the comments section. Anyway, I was concerned that there might be some residual germs or whatever on my cheeks so I decided to scrub them with Softscrub with bleach to ensure their cleanliness. I have some germ/cleanliness issues. I'm pretty sure it's not a good idea to Softscrub your ass cheeks but it gave me the necessary peace of mind to sleep that night.
The butthole shaving is a whole different kind of story. This one unlike the cheek bleaching is the direct result of my germ/cleanliness issues. As a young lad back in the pre-premoistened wipes days I struggled with the idea that a person was expected to poop and then drag a dry sheet of toilet tissue through their hairy ass and call it clean. This was especially troubling since the hair on my ass was a fairly recent acquisition. No I didn't get an anus hair transplant, I was a young lad I said. Hair just started growing in places. Anyway, I decided that it was a stupid design -the putting of hair on my butthole- so I took matters into my own hands, and by matters I mean an old school Gillette Twin Blade.
I fixed the problem but there was an unfortunate side effect. See I think about the time you start growin' hair in weird places you also start sweating in those same places. The hair actually acts as a sort of separator that allows the cooling drying air to pass freely through the region. What I had imagined would be a luxuriously clean and comfortable buttcrack became a slickery mess of sweaty gliding cheeks. The only thing worse than wiping a hairy ass with dry paper is the feeling of never having completely wiped that goes along with a silky smooth sweaty b-crack. It was ill-advised.
So there you have it, I shaved my butthole one time. That's a number that I can assure you will never change.