Tuesday, October 11, 2005

everything stinks

not figuratively but literally. Downtown Cleveland is really starting to smell like Bourbon Street in N.O. Entering the building I work in, if you come in the North side it smells like somebody tried to cure their diarrhea by lighting their anus on fire. If you come in from the West, well it's slightly better. From the West side it just smells like pee. Actually I guess like somebody peed on the guy who lit his anus on fire maybe. I don't know. It's not good whatever it is. Why does everything have to stink so bad? Gosh dammit it's horrible.

Anyway this morning while I was doing the coin toss to determine whether the burning ass or pee entrance was going to be my gateway to paradise today, I started across the street before I realized the don't walk sign guy was flashing red. So I knew I wasn't going to make it to the other side at my current pace before the light turned green. I broke into the classic half-assed 'I don't want to seem like I'm running' run to get the eff out of the way and it occurred to me that this was a sort of personality test. You see there are 2 types of people in the world and you can categorize them by their answer to this question. Decide which one you are and then scroll down to see how closely it matches your personality type (I did it, it's kinda scary how true it is).

When you're in a crosswalk and the light starts flashing or god forbid the opposing traffic light turns green do you a.) make some effort to get out of the roadway more quickly or b.) keep walking at the same pace you were walking at all along because 'hey the cars are stopped and they're not going to run me over'? Choose whether you're person a or person b then scroll.

















If you are person a, you are likely a reasonable and logical person who values his or her time enough to understand that other peoples' time is also valuable and as such is willing to inconvenience themselves slightly for the greater good of following some guideline for conduct.

If you are person b, well, I fucking hate you.

12 comments:

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Look on the bright side. It'll be snowing soon, covering the city smell with a layer of crisp, white goodness.

And possibly bums urine.

Mordja said...

I humbly volunteer to track down and eliminate via anus fires all type B persons.

I'm nice like that.

Sarah said...

I will kill all type B people. Also, lately I've had less problems with odor outside than I have with odor inside.

StrangerDanger said...

F*ing smelly as ass here...i just don't get it.

Brian said...

come on, we've seen you run. you mine as well just walk the cross walk. it's painfull to see you 'run'

slcup said...

Crossing the street, I'm totally an 'a'. It's a whole different ball game though in parking lots. If you're so asshatish that you think it's OK to just ram your car in reverse before looking behind you, damn right I'll take my sweetass time.

Scott said...

John asked me this directly and I said, "Shit yes - I do the gay little hustle to get out of the way" - but John still fucking hates me.

John said...

it's true I hate Scott but it's not because of the crosswalk thing it's because he always tries to follow me into the bathroom knowing I can't pee when somebody else is standing there.

Johnny Virgil said...

I had this same thought many years ago. I wondered if it was a personality thing or a racial thing, or a gender thing.

I'm a jogger.

Lo Lo Lova said...

I have to cross a major street every day when I leave work. The traffic here is outrageously busy. They just closed the only other alternate route, so it's even worse now. People are crazy. You bet your hiney I haul ass every time I cross the street!

Keith said...

Try driving down Carnegie from like E55th down to like E100th at practicaly any time of day and you will have an opportunity to run over enough person B's to fill the back of a pickup truck. (not that you should)

Goo said...

Yea New York smells bad too. And I know people pee in the elevators in the trainstations here in Chicago all the time. My kitchen sponge smells too. What were we talking about?