Poop quantity/Number of Wipes to Achieve Cleanliness = Poop Satisfaction Factor (PSF)

The superfun linkhunt
I realized last week or maybe sometime before that and discussed with Sarah and John Virgil my latest mathematical revelation. It was obvious really. It boils down to mankind's desire to reduce the bloaty fat feeling associated with needed to take a big ol' poop and also his desire to prevent monkey ass. In other words the feeling of walking around with a poorly wiped dookie butt is undesired.

The revelation is simple and it is this. I believe a person can achieve maximum satisfaction in voiding the bowels when my PSF equation is maximized.

I know that some buttsmeller* out there is going to claim the possibility of division by zero therefore violating some mathematical laws etc. However I claim that in order to really know that your shit was such a clean drop that it literally required 0 wipes, you would in effect be required to make the lone diagnostic wipe that comes out clean and thus, as it requires at least one wipe to determine sufficient wiping, there is no division by zero and my contemporaries in mathematics can rest easy.

So what's the value? Well none really unless I give you some methodology for maximizing your PSF. And that my friends as you well know is precisely my area of expertise.

Some people believe that regularity is something to strive for. That's fine, but more important than clockwork regularity (i.e. I shit every morning at 5AM on the button**) is the calendarwork regularity (i.e. I shit once every 3 days)

Maximum volume I believe is achieved through 2 means. Fiber intake and sheer quantity intake obviously factoring in frequency.

I believe I have also observed through experience that if I wait a bit longer than I would like before evacuating, so long as I avoid the shart possibilities, my stools seem to require less wiping.

I believe there is room for improvement on the factor such as normalization. Meaning if Shamus normally requires 30 wipes to be clean and John normally requires only 3, Shamus would gain roughly the same increase in satisfaction by requiring 10 less wipes as John reducing his wipe workload by a mere 1 wipe. Also, some tool artificially reducing wipes by simply "spreading the peanut butter" and not actually finishing the job also invalidates the ratio.

So it might look more like:
Px-Pavg/Wipesx-Wipesavg

When I get published.

* one who smells of butt odor
** Thankfully I don't since I don't get up until 6:30 or so.