Thursday, February 17, 2005

Survival of the fittest

So Scott has been talking about how he's a badass and about his nutbag issues. He was also telling me how the theory of evolution works the other day while we walked to our cars. He explained how the long necked giraffes got more food and eventually the short necked ones would die off and so long necked ones would get together and their kids would be long necked until eventually all of them were long neck giraffes.

So I was thinking about how Scott is a badass and how his nutbag* is so big it's hard to get it all dry, and about the giraffes and I had a revelation. Guys with big nutbags are eventually going to die out. The reason for it is having a big sack is directly related to your agressive nature. Back in the caveman days when they needed a guy to go kill shit they would say "let's send Og, he has a big scrotum." Later on, like during medieval times I think, they would say "Sir Lancescot will probably kill everyone in the melee today because, holy Canturbury, he has big testicles." So obviously as history got on, guys would go to Vegas or whatever and then watch their friends make bets way over their heads and they would say something like "man that guy has huge balls."

Well then it got shortened like in the last year or so to just "that guy has balls" which could be just for crossing the street on a don't walk or something silly. And even more recently it's been shortened to just plain old "sac up" which means. Be more agressive. Take charge. In other words, "get gunned down by a crazy shitty driver while your friend chokes on an orange Jolly Rancher TM." And that my friend is why the guys with tiny shriveled nutbags will eventually win out. Your days are numbered jumbonuts.

*-I've never seen his bag but I've seen his kid's and if it's hereditary, then it's not hard to understand why he's got PB&J issues.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Actually, the phrase "That dude must has some balls." refers to the male/female difference. "Man" has historically been the stronger/braver of the two sexes. And to be told "You have balls" simply refers to a person being "like man". So, technically, the phrase can be used to describe both man and women.

Sarah said...

Sweet-it seems like you totally get the joke, anonymous.

I don't have balls, but neither elephant testicles nor shriveled nutbags are appealing to me.

John said...

Actually anonymous. For clarity the phrase "That dude must has some balls" (sic) comes from the old broken english when some moron referring to himself and posting comments to a blog as anonymous was trying to indicate "I like to has me some balls on my chin" That whole "balls issue" for him is entirely unrelated to my post.

Mel said...

I think Anonymous is jealous cuz he has no balls. Seriously, who invited him? He sucks and I don't like him.
This Blog rocks. Anonymous is just a lame ass hater!

John said...

Thanks Mel. If some jerkhole ever leaves comments on your blog I got your back unless I'm choking on a jolly rancher.

Riss said...

Now people are going to be rushing to get nutsack reduction surgery.

Scott said...

Reduction is selfish and short sighted. I plan to donate my extra sac to those "less fortunate" (read: John)

danielle said...

i like what you've done with the place. i think.

Erik with a K said...

I'm not so sure...all the comments are centering now, and it looks like haiku. I'm confused. And scared.

Hugh Janus said...

Factful is Erik
Donkey punch to Haiku form
That is how I roll

Carly said...

I like the template changes... (actually I'm rather jealous and trying to figure out how to copy some of them without anyone knowing.)