I sent this to Jim Gaffigan through his myspace page.
My friends and I would like to hang out with you before the show in Lakewood OH. Have your people call my people. And by my people I mean just call me I guess because I don't have any people unless you count Sarah and Danielle. We will be at Diane and Drew's house in Lakewood. I will be legendary if I can make this happen. Even if you're only there for 10 minutes, it will be long enough for them to realize that I am awesome and for you to realize that we are losers. We're all roughly the same age as you although you have less hair. My friend Chris is whiter than you even though he's black. Sarah will try to make out with you, I will tell your wife that it was all her though so you won't get in trouble. Danielle will definitely try to give you vodka, it could make the show easier if you have some of that. My wife Leah will definitely make out with you if Danielle gets to her first with that vodka. I sure hope you can stop by even just for a quick Three Cheese and Chicken Quesadilla Hot Pocket Tm. Let me know what time you can come.