Monday, January 29, 2007

What's more pale, you or my butt?

I sent this to Jim Gaffigan through his myspace page.

Dear Jim,

My friends and I would like to hang out with you before the show in Lakewood OH. Have your people call my people. And by my people I mean just call me I guess because I don't have any people unless you count Sarah and Danielle. We will be at Diane and Drew's house in Lakewood. I will be legendary if I can make this happen. Even if you're only there for 10 minutes, it will be long enough for them to realize that I am awesome and for you to realize that we are losers. We're all roughly the same age as you although you have less hair. My friend Chris is whiter than you even though he's black. Sarah will try to make out with you, I will tell your wife that it was all her though so you won't get in trouble. Danielle will definitely try to give you vodka, it could make the show easier if you have some of that. My wife Leah will definitely make out with you if Danielle gets to her first with that vodka. I sure hope you can stop by even just for a quick Three Cheese and Chicken Quesadilla Hot Pocket Tm. Let me know what time you can come.

-John

10 comments:

Sarah said...

I heart you.

Carly said...

now, how could he not take such a fine offer?

who is he??

Johnny Virgil said...

if I was him, I would go.

KP said...

I think you had him until you mentioned his hair. Stupid move.

Beth said...

I may be really stupid, but who is this Jim guy? And anyway, the letter was so convincing, that he has to join you for Vodka and making out with lots of different women.

Lindystar said...

Hors and Vodka. He's an asshole not to show.

Pete Dunn said...

Maybe he'll bring Hot Pockets. (That was rude. I like Hot Pockets)

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

He's my favorite comedian/ cartoon voice guy.

I think Scott said he saw Jim in the airport a few years back. So you could have said you're friend knows him.

If you get him to even write you back you will be legendary.

Fuck it, you already are.

russ said...

With the new-found celebrity from showing his beard comb-over and pasty white thighs to Superbowl audiences, I can't imagine he'd still hang with the little people...

Sassy Blondie said...

If he doesn't show, I'll come...although, I probably won't make out with Sarah or your wife...but the vodka sounds nice.