Sunday, January 22, 2006

Body for Life

I bought the book. I'm doing the 12 week challenge. If you're lucky I won't post the before picture here. I might have to post it though just to motivate myself. God I hate me. I'm a fat pile of crap. I promise you all right here right now I'm doing this 12 week challenge with every bit of dedication and energy I can muster. Because I know everyone loves a before and after photo and it's even better when you know the person. Plus when I finish the 12 weeks you will know once and for all if Body for Life is for real or if it's total bullshit. I promise you I will follow all the rules for 12 weeks and I will do all the exericise like it's my religion. Well I'll do better than that because my religion is sitting on the couch watching football and tracking my fantasy stats online. I start tomorrow. Tomorrow is day 1 of 84. Tomorrow I will start the challenge at 196 lbs with a big belly, 2 good sized man boobies, poor cardiovascular conditioning, a general lethargic disposition, a history of self letdown and a love of all things not contained on the list of foods I'm allowed to eat Monday through Saturday. Wish me luck but more importantly count on me to do it. Let me know that you really need to know if this thing is BS or not. Let me know that you really need to see a set of abs that have been hiding under lard for roughly 34 years. I'm doing it baby. I hope I don't look exactly like my before picture at the end because that will completely effing blow a shitty cock.

-JMan

12 comments:

slcup said...

John,
I have faith in you. You can do this. Oh, and I'm might die without knowing if the "Body for Life" claim is true. I'm counting on you to let us know. My life depends on it.

Melanie was here said...

I love you just the way you are.

Anonymous said...

You can lose all the weight in the world but you can't get a bigger penis.. the moral here. Be happy in your fat. Big boy!

Johnny Virgil said...

It's twue, It's twue.

John said...

you CAN get a bigger penis I have at least 50 emails in my trash bin right now saying so. Plus I think my penis sticks out some set distance and my fat sticks out rougly half that distance. So if I lose all the fat my penis will look twice as long or as they say in medical journals, 3 inches.

tfg said...

How do you know that your gigglestick isn't going to lose weight in proportion with the rest of your body?

Sarah said...

B used to say that he read in a magazine that for every x lbs lost, you gained a half an inch in penis length. I think the x was 30 lbs, but I'm not sure. Maybe less. B also said he was never leaving Cleveland so you may want to take that with a grain of salt.

As for your Body for Life challenge, I know you can do it. You have amazing willpower. :) Also I need you to do it so you can tell me if the above fact is true.

Beck said...

You have to do it. You just HAVE to. Because I need to know if it works. If it does, I'm doing everything in my power to make my husband do it. (Withhold sex? Does that really work?) I can't take his snoring anymore, I just can't. Can't...*whimper*...can't take it...

LizzieDaisy said...

I am on a 12 week plan too. I'll join ya. Maybe we should make a bet to motivate me. Hmmm.

I like my boobs though and wish they'd stay. So... men lose weight their penis gets bigger. Women lose weight and our boobs shrink. Well isn't that a biter. :)

Gigglestick... love that.

John said...

tfg - good point. if only i had some data points. I have never lost weight before so I have no idea what will happen.

Sarah - a half inch will be a tremendous percentage increase if B is not a liar. wait....

Beck - my wife can't take the snoring either. I will definitely do this for you so you know if it cures that.

Lizzie - what's the bet? I'm in.

All - I took the before pics. Hideous, simply hideous

Lo Lo Lova said...

I agree with Mel. You're perfect just the way you are. But if this will make you feel better and be healthier, then good for you. As Tony Little would say, "YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!"

Melanie was here said...

I heard when you diet your penis falls off and your balls shrink. So definitely, let me know how that works out.