Saturday, October 01, 2005

Shop Dungar-bees

My house is infested with bees. Mostly they're harmless. They're really lethargic and they just come into the house and die for the most part. But some of these bees are total bitches and today they finally crossed the line. To this I say fuck bees*. I hate bees so much. Some people are all "if you leave them alone they will leave you alone." I left them alone, they bored through the concrete in the front of my house and started pissing me off. Therefore I declared a jihad on bees. I won.


Exhibit A - the bees (the lighter colored stuff is not dust or dirt, it's bees covered with Sevin)


Exhibit B - The shop vac a.k.a the bees' collective grave. (the entire bottom of the shop vac is bees about an inch and a half thick.)



* - I should make an editorial comment in case some joker comes along to tell me what I already know. These are in fact not bees. They are wasps, specifically yellow jackets. The one key difference from my perspective is wasps can sting your ass many times. This "if I sting you I die" concept is the main deterrent for bees. Not so for wasps. That's why wasps suck. But saying fuck wasps just isn't as funny.

8 comments:

John said...

mine have been overhead both times. I have rigged the shop vac with all the extension tubes I could find then I put the small tipped corner attachment on the end. Then I hang it up so that the opening of the tube is just below the opening where the bees fly in. Thus when the really pissed bees either a. return to the nest which is being attacked or b. come out to see what's up, they get sucked into the opening like the worthless pieces of shit that they are. Maybe I will try to do a drawing for you.

Sarah said...

JV, it took much explaining in person for me to understand the contraption John came up with, but it truly is genius. Next time I have bees, he is coming over to kill them for me in a very creative and disgusting way.

John, ew.

Carly said...

holy crap John... I can't imagine this many bees in my house

Johnny Virgil said...

Ah ok. I've seen the honey bee collector dudes do this. you just put sevin in the bottom of the shopvac?

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

That'll teach ya to use honey for wallpaper paste. It SEEMS like such a good idea, sticky and all, but there's the efin bees, which you didn't figure on.

John said...

you can either put sevin in there and suck up the bees or get the bees first then put the sevin in. I put Raid or sevin in there at the end so I don't have to breathe it while I'm turning it on.

Franco Esteve said...

That's awesome. Thanks for the idea. Yet another use for my shop vac. Lately though, most bees (not wasps) tend to just die in front of the screen door. If I find the secret to that formula (1 or 2 cadavers every other morning), I'll let y'all know. :)

Brian said...

silly me but I think if I saw all those bees boring holes in my concrete I might just be enticed to pick up the phone and call an exterminator.