Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Hurricane Rant

Okay I have a few more things. Here they go.

1. Don't pray for your safety. Get the fuck out... I heard some lady on the radio on the way home. She was from Galveston and had decided to stick it out for the old Category 5er. While being interviewed she said "me, my 10 year old son and my 5 year old daughter are going to stay here. No, we're not ready for it but I'm praying and I think god will take care of us." Here's a hint. GOD IS taking care of you. That's why he put weather people on the TV to tell you to get the eff out of there, asswipe. NOW GET THE EFF OUT OF THERE!

2. It ain't global warming asspirate. Michael Moore you're so effing worthless. Why can't your fat, sorry, cheese-clogged aorta stop fueling your big sweaty mouth with the energy to say retarded shit. Hurricanes happen always have always will. You get winded from eating a cheeseburger. I think your weight problem is the root of global warming and hurricanes. I guarantee George Bush is to blame for your being a fat fuck somehow. Bush sucks. We get it. Go do something productive like go to Galveston and jog around in circles in the opposite direction of the hurricane.

That lady from Galveston reminds me of a joke.
There was warning of a huge flood and as the water started coming a man in a truck drove past a ladies house and asked if she'd like a ride to higher ground. She said "no thank you, god will take care of me." Then as the water rose she was forced to the second floor of her house and a man in a boat drove by and asked if she'd like a ride to higher ground. "no thank you, god will take care of me" she replied. As the water rose even higher she was forced to her roof and a helicopter flew over and dropped a rope down to her. She waved to the pilot and said "no thanks, god will take care of me" and promptly drowned. When she got to heaven she asked god why he had allowed her to drown and god said "I sent you a truck, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want from me, you worthless pile of ass currency."

I'm pretty sure the moral of the story obviously is supposed to be that there's no such thing as god. Or something like that.

There's a studio apartment waiting for me in hell.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

u stupid retard .. yes hurricanes happen and they have been happening since the age of atmosphere .. but what's different now is that these hurricanes are much stronger than the ones we had in the past. Why stronger (category 5) .. because of global warming.

u are a stupid fuck if you think there is no God .. you athiest and agnostic people are worst than niggers.

fuck you and michael moore.
and thats the bottom line.

John said...

peace be with you

Anonymous said...

yes sure a fan of lord ..
dont get me wrong .. i am not saying that what that lady did (deny help from the helicopter, boat) etc was right. Many people think that God will come Himself and help you .. no thats wrong.

Putting ur children's and your own life in jeapordy is stupid .. people should evacuate before rita hits ..

But yet again .. in case one is unable to leave his or her house .. is unable to evacuate for God knows what reason .. and that reason is true (eg. not out of laziness) .. then may God save them .. miracles happen dude .. not that frequently these days .. but still they do (not to everybody ofcourse .. u gotta deserve the miracle) .. i hate it when an athiest says .. hey I had an accident yesterday .. if there is a God why didn't he save me .. well why the fuck should he save you?

are all athiests and agnositcs DUMB? seriously ... are they all DUMB?

John said...

yes. you have convinced me. miracles happen. I just refer to them as statistics.
puh-tay-toe
puh-tah-toe

bygones

Sarah said...

OMG I spit out my pop when I read the stuff about Michael Moore. Holy shit he is the worst human being on Earth.

Anon, you sound like a pretty great mouthpiece to spread God's love. Hypocrite.

Anonymous said...

Hey anonymyass,

Look up the top ten most powerful hurricanes EVER. Tell me when they happened. Then tell me it's global warming. Hurricanes are cyclical.

sharda said...

this post was awesome.

russ said...

Wow. God, Michael Moore, and Global Warming. You left out something sexual, as topics that shouldn't come up at a dinner aprty (unless you are perversely attracted to Mr. Moore).

I think the hurricane/global warming thing is split. Here's something from that NOAA thing you cited. I did see a gov't scientist on the Tv the other day pooh-poohing the idea, but more in the sense of the data not being there yet, I think.

I'm pretty heartily amazed that anonym-ass thinks atheists are dumb. I mean, I'm a believer, but I believe it's turtles all the way down. But more importantly, I like that once people leave institutes of learning, everyone thinks their smart. Sure, they might've been bad at school, but they have common sense and the 'right' kind of smarts.

tklas

Lo Lo Lova said...

John, you're posts are always inspiring and hilarious. Each line I read was my favorite. And although Mel sits RIGHT next to me and already read your post, I re-read it to her because it was so damn funny.

Can't wait to hang out at your apartment in Hell. What good times await us :)

Jerry said...

If God really has a sense of humor, instead of a studio apartment, it will probaby be an 8 x 8 office cubicle.

Great post, John!

Yort said...

Excuse me, but did the first idiot actually priase God AND reference niggers? I think I'd rather be an athiest than associate myslef with that kind of thinking.

Lo Lo Lova said...

Could we please stop throwing the "n" word around? That is quite offensive!!!!

Scott said...

Okay - so 1,000 people died. I bet each one of them prayed to God not to die - but it still happened. 1 old guy hung in for 18 days. I am sure he will say it is because he prayed to God. And then everyone will proclaim a miracle. I proclaim statistics.

Athiests rule - and racist assholes suck.

Melanie was here said...

I hate racist assholes. I want to punch them right in their faces.

Other than the fuckface showing up and being a racist dicksucker, great post John.

To the racist fuck - I hope you get ass raped by some guy named Bubba with a Hickory Farms salami.

LizzieDaisy said...

Way to piss someone off John. You are SO good at that. Really wishing I could have been at that party to meet your wife. Sure am curious. She's a saint, right? :)

To the dude who thinks he knows exactly what God is thinking... who gets saved and who gets miracles... man, you are one special ahole. Get your crap together dude. Noone will ever take you or your "religion" seriously until you learn to respect everyone around you, and stop making blanket statements. And learn some grammar. Talk about looking like a 'tard.

Enjoying the commentary though, so go ahead... fire away. :)

Melanie was here said...

I meant what Lizzie said, she just wrote it better.

danielle said...

this is amazing dialogue. i gotta get my blog to be more controversial. you're my hero.

Johnny Virgil said...

Maybe Yort is black. Then, for some reason, using the N word is ok.

bFranco said...

Don't you just love it when people just throw out comments without any intelligent and objective perspective resorting instead to insults and attempting (unsuccessfully of course) to force people to their primitive views? If the anonymous person is so right and believes so strongly in their view, why be a coward and not claim ownership for that view or for their words? Why remain anonymous?

It sucks that our so called "advanced" society would still remain so primitive and would live in such deep denial that it would continue to dump responsibility on an invisible man in the sky instead of accepting the consecuences of their own actions and doing something about it. Is there a supreme being? Yes, her name is, "I don't know". Oh, and have you noticed Jesus was all about Peace and Love and modern Chrisitans are all about War and Hate? Maybe when they talk about Jesus they talk about the mechanic down the block of the same name. ;)

bFranco said...

Oh and very good post John :)

Beck said...

John, I've learned more "swears" from you (snd Scott) in the last 6 months than I have my entire life. Ass currency! Ha! thanks for the education. Oh, and the cool post.