Sunday, February 13, 2005

Things I'd fix if I was god

Why do men have nipples? I'd get rid of them. Knees would be stronger. Like strong enough to get hit straight on by a 260 lb linebacker at full speed when your cleats won't let go of the turf and not even flinch. What's the deal with teeth? Why so many? I think a better design would be one big top tooth and one big bottom tooth. Same mouth shape and the one tooth would fill the same space as the current multiple teeth design, but brushing would be way easier and flossing might even be unnecessary. Balls. WTF? Move them to a safer location. Feet. Too many weak bones and moving parts. I'd make em better. Poop would smell like a Bath and Body works candlee.

7 comments:

Johnny Virgil said...

I liked your tooth idea at first, but then I thought about it and realized that if you ever had to have a tooth pulled, you'd be fucked.

John said...

the reason you have to have teeth pulled is because the design is fucked up in the first place

Hugh Janus said...

Man nipples. Yeah those have caused me some problems in the past. Being the kind of fruit that shaves my chest hair, over the years I have had the misfortune of actually shaving off the tip of one, TWICE. (I'm wincing right now remembering it - and I think girls might be able to appreciate that as well - unlike a kick in the jewels where they can have no idea how it feels)

Nipple-chopping might be a good S&M club activity but it's not up my alley.

And I believe that nipples might actually be the terminus of an artery or something because when this occurred, I bled like a mother.

danielle said...

you = genius

danielle said...

i hate hugh janus so much right now.

Hugh Janus said...

Awesome.

Anonymous said...

Ummm... there is no god. one of the many "crutches" human kind has created to deal with the scary and the unknown. And he makes a great boogyman to scare kids and adults who can't think for themselves into being nice to eachother.