Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Shop Dungarees

So you read this blog sometimes. You might even link to it. You might even be linked to by it but do you really know what Shop Dungarees are? I guess you could look at the pictures and figure it out but it's time to tell you about the idea, the inspiration and the dream.

Shop Dungarees are very simply this. A pair of pants with a shop vac attached to the ass. Why? Well, why not. Through some testing and revisions, suggestions from friends and personal experience there have been improvements to the design. Originally it was simply intended to be turned on when you let the wind fly. It would create ambient noise and through sheer volume of air intake and diffusion, reduce the offensive nature of the gas. Improvements were made to that design in the following order.

  • HEPA filtration: High Efficiency Particulate Arresting Filter. In short, when you smell somebody's fart, little tiny particles of poop are entering your nose. It's so effing gross it inspired us to capture them.
  • A.S.S. - Auto Sensing Suction: this simple addition uses the electrical resistance of air to determine particulate concentration in a sample. In a closed environment this boils down to the ol' addage "something smells like ass" only in this case the Shop Dungarees (SDs)know before you and handle it.
  • C.U.P (Covert Urine Port)- sort of accidentally we realize that the A.S.S. would "misfire" when a user's bladder "misfired" unfortunately the SDs couldn't contain the spill and odor was a biproduct. We added the C.U.P. attachment as an option on the Model II to capture the urine and the odor for users with urinary incontinence or simply laziness.
  • Obviously the next logical advance in technology was the actual manangement of wasted solids. In other words, sometimes people shit themselves. Whether it's because you read a really good blog or you just have a plain old loose sphincter, I don't really want to know the cause. I wanted to solve the problem and so we added......
  • SAWDUST - Solid Ass Waste Disposal Unit for Shitted Trousers - Simple, elegant. This attachment utilizes a micro fine water spray and a mini garbage disposal to manage the waste into a fine stream of high odor liquid that is quickly quarantined within the unit.
  • The final addition came to us when we were faced with the cleaning and emptying of the unit. So we added ReversiFlush Technology which allows you to reverse the motor to expunge the foul into any toilet at high pressure allowing you to use the poostream itself as a toilet cleaning tool.
  • As with all of our products in the D.O.O.D.U line, Shop Dungarees are fully DOODU TM compliant.

I suppose these improvements are not complete by a longshot but we're very happy with the value that the current product brings to the end user as well as home health care providers. Inquiries about the product line can be directed here.

JMANPAIN

8 comments:

Scott said...

Buyer Beware!! If you have an early model (I got mine on EBay) - the Vacuum and Blower sides are not well marked. So you are sitting in a meeting thinking youare going to sneak out and SBD (safely into the unit) - it fires up and blows waste back at you. It looks like when the dude in Shawshank busts the sewer pipe open. I did this 3 times before I decided enough was enough.

danielle said...

it's seriously not fair that you are this clever. i weep because i'm so dumb compared to you and these inventions.

sharda said...

Good work! A product of this sort is desperately needed in society today. I'm printing out this post and passing it out at the gym. There was a lady in front of me on a bike last night and she obviously has no control over herself and I nearly died three times. I've had my eye on her for awhile, I think she's a repeat offender. She could really use your help.

Tigerlily said...

HOly effing crap, I think I am getting fired for the outburst that followed reading this. HOly shit dude, that's somethin' else.

Hugh Janus said...

Man do I hate shitted trousers.

Sarah said...

The thing that's most funny about this is that we really did have all of these conversations and go through all of these versions. I don't know if that's funny or kind of sad. I heart Shop Dungarees-the product and the blog.

Brian said...

I'm in. How much.

John said...

Can you really put a pricetag on this kind of convenience?