Monday, January 10, 2005

Lance Legends Submission #1

My "friend" Erik inspired me to become one of his deputies and submit for Lance Legend status. This was my submission tonight.

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who eat Lance snacks and the kind who, well the kind who really have no regard for anything. Well this story is unfortunately about the latter.

I was heading into town about 6 years ago on county rd 15 when I came across an old timer walking backwards down the birm. I stopped to ask if he needed anything and he said he was "immune to the sun". I said "I think you mean allergic don't you." He kicked me in the shorts and called me a whippersnapper, said I wasn't proper questioning my elders. I apologized and offered him one of my bags of Lance Thunder Potato Chips since I always have a spare bag. He kicked me in the shorts again and said "son if you got two bags, you go ahead and offer me both. I like to mix the Salt-n-Vinegar with the Buffalo flavored ones. It's the only thing that keeps me from losin' my mind." I handed him both and made out of there like a house afire. That was my first and last encounter with crazy Willie but I will never forget that day. Lance snacks probably saved my life. As for the two kinds of people, it turns out even the ones who have no regard for anything eat Lance snacks so there's really only one kind of people and that kind is Lance Snack Lovers just like me.

Wish me luck.


danielle said...

ok. so now we have a situation on our hands. were you on the part of county rd 15 that's right in front of the moonshine stillery or the part where they de-fur the horses because i might have actually been married to that guy for a few days. can you imagine!

John said...

I was by the stillery I suppose. I had been driving for about 2 minutes. I remember I had just put in my totally sweet jams CD and I was just getting ready to belt this out when I saw Crazy Willie.

"Wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.
I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become"

Sarah said...

[drum solo]