Wednesday, September 12, 2007

What the hell happened?

I was supposed to own Vegas. I was supposed to own that biatch. What the hell happened? I got there at 9:40 PM. I stayed awake until 4 AM Vegas time which is 8 AM Cleveland time. It was on. I was in the groove. I can't remember anything from that first night except that my body was crying out for sleep when I boarded the tram at the Luxor at 4:13 AM headed back to the MGM Grand alone. Keith, Jeff, Russ, Boyle et al were still giving it a go I think. Dan had been asleep back at the room since about midnight. Down $100 but worse, down his Vegas spirit. Something he'd never get back for the rest of the trip.

Vegas is your master when you're there. Don't mess with the juju, don't fuck up the mojo, when Joe at MGM tells you to double down you damn well better double down. Fucking Teddy over at New York New York I have one last thing to say to you, fuck you for letting me bust against your 6. I was drunk, and sleepy when I hit that 13, I didn't know you had a 6 showing, I barely knew where my pants were. You dickhead.

I really don't know much about what happened on what days. I do know that when I woke up Friday morning, I was sick like somebody poisoned me. 2 bottled waters and a cup of coffee later and I was recovering in the shade at the pool. I was ready to get back to the game. I don't remember if I was up or down but I'm pretty sure I was down. We were supposed to meet at Excalibur for the 9 AM poker tournament but I didn't even get out of bed until about 11 I think. We did make it down to the 1 PM tournament. There were 8 of us there for Keith's bachelor party, and 7 of us made it into the tournament. Steve made it in time to watch a little bit of it. I gathered from Steve's appearance that he was probably up until about 6 AM the night before.

The tournament was good to Jim and I and we made it to the final 4 of about 65 or so entrants. In that final four, we came to the mutual agreement to split the pot evenly. $367 smackers, and I was back up. I survived that day up I think. I went to bed pretty early Friday night on account of the way I felt Friday morning. Obviously by pretty early I mean about 3 AM.

By Saturday morning, my Little Caesar's pizza count was up to 4, my bankroll was decent, but my stomach, feet and head hurt like each one had been stabbed repeatedly. We were supposed to go to the Burger Bar for lunch which most of the group did but Dan and I entered another poker tournament and didn't have time to eat there. We did have time to hit Little Caesar's though. Score 5 for Caesar. We weren't so lucky this time in the tournament. We bailed on that, played some random crap, and then eventually I met up with Keith and headed down the strip hitting New York New York where I met Teddy from above, who ended up dealing me cards good enough to put me up $60 on his table but effed me on the 13 against his 16 and that was enough for Keith and I to walk away.

We made it as far as Monte Carlo where we met Ming. Ming fucked us but not the good way. Ming dealt me a pair of 8's against her 6 on the hand that I declared as my final hand. I had about $62 out. I obviously split them and I obviously got another 8. Which I split and got a 3 which I obviously doubled down. $248 on one hand if anyone is counting. Mother effer. Ming turned a 10 and I was ready to celebrate, but just as I started to dance she flipped over a 5 and I cried. I lost my 2 18's and 1 20 against her 21 and my "winnings" were now gone. I pushed back from the table and declared "Ming, I thought you and I were going to get along famously, I thought we'd be great friends who could spend hours together but now I realize that you are the devil. Good day to you." Ming laughed at me. Ming is a whore.

Note to self, stop playing at tables with just Keith. I lost every time that was the case.

And so with my reckless several hundred dollar loss, I proceeded to head down to CVS and get a bag of Salt and Vinegar Dan Dee potato chips to ease my troubled mind. I also got a $35 cash advance on that purchase. Or maybe I didn't because the dumb girl wouldn't give it to me because I used my Visa so I had to purchase a pack of gum with my debit card in order to score the cash advance. Leaving CVS up $35 must've been just the mojo I needed to turn my luck around. Keith and I made it back through NY NY just in time to spot Jay Leno doing his Vegas Has Talent skit and then scooted to the MGM just in time to hook back up with the crew. I sat down at a $10 table with Keith, Steve, Boyle and Jeff. Steve and I tore that table a new one while Keith Jeff and Boyle received 2 aholes apiece. Keith hit the ATM and returned. I moved to 3rd base and at that point Keith, Steve and I proceeded to go on the kind of roll legends are made of.

It was at this point that I made a mental note to myself to always gamble with Steve. I had only been at 2 tables with Steve and at those 2 I was up about $360. The problem at this point was that I had played a plethora of tables where Steve was notably absent and those tables had left me nursing a new anus as well.

Sunday was mostly NFL Sunday where I proceeded to watch the Steelers do to the Browns what the non-Steve blackjack tables had done to me. I lost 2 bets that I put on the Browns. Another loss I attribute to Keith since I just didn't feel like listening to him bitch about me betting on the Steelers which I definitely would have if I were there alone. Yeah I said it, I bet on the Steelers agains the Browns unless Keith is there. Guess what too, I learned that Steve was a Steelers fan that morning. I should've known.

Sunday during the game I left and told the boys I had to go check out of the hotel, but instead I got sidetracked by Robert Deniro's son giving a craps lesson. Maybe it wasn't Deniro's kid but he definitely talked like he was from the Bronx and he was awesome. If you have the chance to get to Vegas you definitely have to hit NY NY some morning at 11 AM just to see the Craps lesson. It's worth it. I dumped $40 on craps once I was satisfied that I was now an expert and that was enough to put a lid on my betting. We rode out the day watching football, checking fantasy football stats and eating mini corn dogs obviously.

Keith mentioned to me that he'd figured out how to get the most out of Vegas and now wished he could call a redo on the trip. I told him to write himself a letter and to read it the next time he planned to hit the Veg.

I got my fill for a little while. It will be at least 3 or 4 days before I start thinking about planning another trip. I think I'm probably going to get there next October for work, who's with me.

-JMAN

10 comments:

russ said...

I left Vegas, wallet to wallet (including the ATM I hit when I was feeling broke for loaning Jeff dough, and the slight monetary boost I got from paying at the burger bar and getting cash from the others) down $200. That's all cash expenses and gambling. Down $200. Eff yeah. Whenever I was awake, I was gambling and drinking for free. Eff yeah.

That was my favorite thing about Vegas. My second favorite was my winning when all six of you sat at the table and me, lucky #7, sat next door and won $300 in 1.5 shoes. Then we went to a noodle bar and I had Singapore noodles and pot stickers. That's third.

Somewhere in the top ten is the fact that I ate zero fast food.

Good times. Good times.

urban princess said...

Aw, Vegas.

Sgt said...

Any idea John on the final +/- of your trip?

Sounds like a blast even if Vegas can be a fickle beotch.

John said...

Sgt - I took $300 in cash, I got $120 out of the ATM at Monte Carlo and a $35 cash advance at CVS. I came home with around $100. So my total out of pocket including food and drinks was around $355 for 3 days. Which was well within my plan of $150 a day.

danielle said...

hi chop. this is hor, steph, and nance. we're ready to hit up mr. vegas in november for tha b-days. you in?

Sarah said...

I'm in.

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

My God you're blogging again, YAY!! I thought you quit.

Is the only thing to eat there Little Ceasars?? Or am I missing something?

John said...

The only thing I know to eat in Vegas is Little Caesar's. Anyone know if there's any other restaurants in Vegas?

russ said...

There's a really cool burger place but I'm going to make reservations for an hour after you're hungry and are in the middle of a poker tournament.

Anonymous said...

No whores?

-Shamus