Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Teledildonics

Okay Seriously Sarah's life was apparantly changed when I taught her how to peel an orange. Here's a step by step photo how to.

1. Start with a Sunkist naval orange.


2. With the stem end towards the ceiling, make a latitudinal cut around the North Pole with a sharp paring knife or a swiss army pocket knife.


3. Invert the orange so that the naval end is towards the ceiling and repeat.


4. Now make 3 longitudinal cuts 120 degrees apart connecting the first 2 cuts. (on a large orange you might want to make 4 cuts 90 degrees apart)


5. Pop off the skin on the naval end, sometimes this will also include a little mini orange growing in the naval end.


6. This is the magic moment. If you peel off the stem end carefully the entire center crap comes with it.


7. Now peel the 3 remaining pieces.


8. The orange and the peel.


9. The empty orange skin I tried to fool my kid with.


10. Celebrate your victory over the orange.

21 comments:

Sarah said...

OMG I love you. I can't believe either of us took pictures of ourselves peeling oranges, but it is so worth it. That last pic is amazing.

slcup said...

God you're hot.

russ said...

That last pic reveals the fact that somewhere between pic 2 and 4 you sliced off a hand... maybe it's because you were also holding a camera but it sure looks like you should've lost a digit if not a hand in this operation.

Melanie was here said...

Thanks for the instructions, I'll definitely peel this way from now on.

Plus, SLC UP is so right - you look H O T!

tfg said...

It's funny. I use the same technique on drifters.

Lo Lo Lova said...

Great picture of you. And that orange is hot, too!

Melanie was here said...

Hey - when are we having drinks with Amir???

Scott said...

Where is the photo essay on how to perform a home vasectomy? (or vasectemy - I sure as hell am not looking that up on my work PC)

Johnny Virgil said...

A knife? A KNIFE?? WTF. I expected some magical peeling process.

Sarah said...

I use an orange peeler. John's just trying to be tough with his knife.

Carly said...

holy crap. You look hot.

We don't have sharp knives in our cafeteria. Plastic. I swear.

Suggestions?

Carly said...

PS: can't you just say horizontal and vertical?

just curious.

John said...

Ok so is that like a really bad picture of me or what? I mean I know I look kinda drunk and there's lots of neck wrinkles but sheesh. I think maybe my head was just turned funny. All the "you look hot" "god you're hot" comments are making me real self conscious. I'm getting ready to post the after pics and they're not that great. On the bright side I didn't flex or suck in my gut or anything. I wanted it to be an authentic representation of what you could expect from the BFL program.

John said...

oh and Virgil, can't you grow your pinky nail real long and use that to make the cuts. Lots of black guys always have a long pinky nail. I think it's for peeling oranges.

Anonymous said...

Dude... you look good! really.

Melanie was here said...

John - were you really at Harry Buffalo last night??? DAMMIT. We were on the left side when you walk in the door eating dinner.

slcup said...

I was being serious. Sheesh, thanks for mocking my love for you. I think I'll go cry myself to sleep now (after work and the hockey game mind you, but I will cry myself to sleep).

Lo Lo Lova said...

I was being serious, too. Don't be a douchebag! Take a compliment!!

Johnny Virgil said...

John is starting another circuit of the program on May 1st. I am going to do it also. Who else is in? Sarah?

Sarah said...

I will agree to do Body For Life Lite. I can't be as strict as John was without completely and utterly failing. However, I will do my best to keep up.

aka_Meritt said...

OMGosh I can't believe I've never seen anyone cut an orange like that before. It's so dang cool I may have to buy some oranges on my next trip to the store.