I actually played tackle football yesterday with 13 other people, none of which was as old as me. There's a reason why 33 yr olds aren't out playing tackle football much. The reason is very simple. Because the next day they will wish they were dead.
Here's my status. If an injury report were listed by each individual body part, not a single part of me would get higher than pr. Knees doubtful. Hips, thighs, neck, chest, ass, hand, calf, foot, head and tooth, etc. doubtful.
I'm in a great deal of pain. I believe there are things that might be broken but I'm in so much pain in general that I really haven't realized the individual items. I haven't taken inventory so to speak.
In short, I am a complete and utter jackass and I may never walk normally again so I wrote myself a note.
Dear Jackass,
Are you thinking about playing tackle football this weekend? I thought maybe I would send you a note to remind you of something. YOU'RE FUCKING OLD AND OUT OF SHAPE! Stop being a jackass and go play cribbage or something.
Sincerely,
Assclown
God I hate myself.
4 comments:
Ouch - there's some kind of cream for that J-Man.
I think I pulled something reaching for my beer this afternoon. There's nothing lamer than that.
Hello 34, goodbye youth and tackle football. I am your future, Shop Dungs, so treat me like the kindly old uncle who's gone senile but still plays a good game of grabass with the ladies Meaning, don't leave me alone with your old lady for more than 5 minutes...
It's all in your mind. Take some Advil and suck it up. Get right back on that horse! Play again next week, and the week after that. Soon, you'll be running with the young dogs. They will laugh, and call you gramps, but you will kick their smooth, unwrinkled asses.
Hey JV don't get me wrong, I put on a clinic on how to play the Varsity game yesterday. I just wasn't raising (read was physically unable to raise) my hand when the "who's playing next week" call came around. Nobody on the field could understand why I wasn't coming back. If they could see me today it would be "painfully" clear to them. God I'm an idiot.
And you wondered why when you asked if I wanted to play football, I said, "yeah right."
I was busted up during/after softball last year and that's non-contact. Maybe not the way I played, but for most people.
I've learned to take a pass on activities with required violent contact.
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