Monday, January 31, 2005

Things we should share

You ever spend like your entire life researching some product (maybe that's just me) and then you finally buy it and then your "friend" says something to the effect of "yeah I almost got that one but then I bought such and such because Consumer Reports said it was better than that shitty one you bought." Yeah so fuck you why didn't you tell me before I spent 436 hours on the internet researching every last goddamned review finding the perfect one.

So I propose that we routinely post on our blogs what products we're using and why. Then whether you're happy with it or if you're open to suggestions on something better. So here's what I've got for you.

I've used every goddamned razor known to man. I don't really look like those manly types whose 5 o'clock shadow shows up at 2:45 but I can grow a full beard in a weekend so there's something there to be shaved at least. So anyway I had gotten into this routine of upping the blade count, paying a premium for additional features and just pissing away money hand over fist on my razors. I think the last one I bought was a Schick 4 blade lubristrip pivot vibrating thing that ran about $50 per cartridge. So here's a little timeline for you of what blade I was using, why it was better than the previous incarnation and why I switched to something different in some cases. In general it leads to my current "shaving system" which is worth suffering though this shitty post whether you're a girl or a guy.

Age Razor/Shave Cream
16 - Bic Single Blade/Colgate Foam
This shit is for amateurs. This shitty combo could make you never want to shave again and so I didn't until I was 18
18 - Gilllette Twin Blade/Barbasol
A marginal advancement but still a fucking hemoplug riddled razorburn patch waiting to happen
20 - Gillett Good News/Gillette Gel
Gel was a huge improvement. The other foamy stuff is pure ass. As for Good News, not sure what changed.
22 - Gillette Good News Pivot/Gillette Gel
Added the ol' pivot for getting around the chin area. Not really much of an improvement
23 - Gillette Good News Pivot Plus/Edge Gel
A real breakthrough. The lubrismooth strip and the Edge Gel changed me. These were my shaving glory days.
25 - Gillette Sensor/Edge Gel
Gilette Sensor. The single greatest razor advancement in my life.
27 - Gillette Sensor Excel/Edge Gel
Sensor Excel added a little rubber beard lifter in front of the blades. Nice touch
29 - Gillette Mach 3/Edge Gel
A big fat headed blade that gave the best shave ever with the least irritation but too bulky for detailed areas.
31 - Schick Quattro/Edge Gel
A bigger fatter better shave that was even more difficult to maneuver around nostrils and lips.
33 - Gillette Sensor Disposable/Edge Gel
Seriously the greatest shaving combination ever. This is untouchable by any other standard. If you haven't tried one or both of these together, you need to march immediately to the nearest Walgreens and buy both and then run home to shave in the shower immediately. You will thank me in the comments section later.

probably my next razor


Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I tried the edge gel, but it made my balls tingle. So now I just wax everyting.

John said...

oops you must've used the "tough beards" one. for the balls you'll either want "extra moisturizing" or "sensitive skin" You should always consider the special needs of the balls separately when choosing a shave gel.

Anonymous said...

Diane: For the Ladies (and John)-- I think we all know that the Venus razor with Skintimate Gel is the way to go. One alternative for the Gel is COOCHIE. This stuff is absolutely amazing but you can only get it at sex toy parties. Any volunteers who want to have this party so we can get this shit?

Sarah said...

Diane, I totally was going to write everything you just wrote.

Venus rules everything.
Coochey cream is awesome and funny to say.

Catching up said...

Hey, my husband uses a "Venus"; he loves it. Makes him feel like a natural woman.

John said...

Leah uses a Venus Divine. I saw it in the shower and I thought what a pretty name. My next kid will be Venus Divine. Also she will have a different mother than the first two if I do have another one.

slcup said...

Venus Divine is a great name to give your daughter, if you want her to be a porn star, I mean.
urban princess

Scott said...

Coochey! Coochey! Coochey!! I just want to say it over and over. [Note some obscure Ohio law prohibits men from being at sex toy parties with women. No for real!]

Johnny Virgil said...

Here's my supplier:

danielle said...

no wonder you can't ever go to the woodford parties. you're pretty tied up with man and woman razors. go figure.